feeling

So how exactly does one go about feeling someone else's pain? I'm not really sure how it happened but I feel pain that is not mine to feel. I don't mind it though. Perhaps it takes a little pain off of the other person, but who knows. I wasn't able to sleep last night because of this pain I'm feeling, so I used that time to think. There has been a lot on my mind lately and now there is even more.

The past two days I have talked to a couple of different friends about God and religion. I was brought up in a Christian home, always attending Church of Christ services, and being made to believe that we are right. How do we really know? The only reason I was brought up christian is because that's how my mom was raised, and her parents, and my grandparents parents etc. It's just hard for me to believe that of all the religions out there and all of the families I could have been born in to, it just so happens that I was born into the right one. I guess it's lucky that I wasn't born into a Buddhist family because I would be brought up believing that was the truth. But what is the truth really?

Why does the christian God make it such a big deal to be baptized? There is nothing significant about going underwater. I have been brought up to believe that if you aren't baptized you won't go to Heaven. That just doesn't seem right to me. If there is a good person in the world, I don't think it should matter whether they have been dunked in water or not. The more I think about it, the more baptism seems like some sort of a cult ritual.

I don't mean to be anti religious, I just have questions and thoughts that I want to share in case anyone else feels the way I do. I recently heard that a christian college that some of my friends go to, doesn't allow girls to attend there if they are pregnant outside of marriage. What a great message to send to the world about christianity, people who make mistakes are not welcome here. A poor girl who already has so much to deal with, now has to worry about finding another school to go to. It makes me sick that people who claim to be christian can push those in need away so easily.

Sorry if I seem bitchy. I want to know the truth, is that so much to ask? What if God is the equivalent of Santa Clause, a nice story but when it comes down to it, just a myth? Isn't it strange how Santa Clause and the birth of Jesus are celebrated on the same day? I really don't know what to believe and my family doesn't really help me out either.

My mom's side of the family is so focused on their own ideas and beliefs that they won't even listen to me when I try telling them what I think. I was lectured on Christmas Eve because I told them that I don't have a problem with gay people. I think it's great for people to be true to themselves and be who they are, but apparently I'm a terrible person for thinking this. One of the things I hate most about christianity is how the older generations seem to have closed their mind to any other ideas that aren't their own.

Well I hope I'm not a terrible person for writing this, I just wanted to put my feelings on the matter out there for others to read. I encourage you to search for truth, if the truth is what you are looking for and don't just settle for what someone tells you. I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for. Omnia Vincit Amor. Love Conquers All.